Archives for April 2012 | Varied Celluloid

Archive for April, 2012

Schoolgirl Report 8: What Parents Must Never Know

Posted by Josh Samford On April - 18 - 2012

Schoolgirl Report #8: What Parents Must Never Know (1974)
Director: Ernst Hofbauer
Writers: Günther Heller
Starring: Wolf Ackva, Puppa Armbruster, Sandra Atia, and Astrid Boner



The Plot: In this, the eighth entry into the Schoolgirl Report series, we find what seems to be a staple of the series: sex starved young girls. Fashioned as series of vignettes, our main story deals with one class from an all-girl German highschool. These girls are apparently on a school-related trip to see the countryside and stay at a villa over the weekend. During the course of their trip, these girls inevitably tell all of their sordid sexual adventures to one another. One girl has become pregnant out of wedlock, another girl uses her sexual wiles in order to impress her father’s boss, two other girls concoct a plan to get their prudish teacher laid, and two more girls tell of an adventure involving them frolicking around with two studs while some old horny fisherman tries to ruin the day. While all of this goes on, we are also introduced to one of the male teachers from this academy. All of the girls seem to have a crush on this gentleman, but he seems to take it in stride. When one of the girls tries to take things a bit too far with him, however, repercussions will be felt.


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Thou Shalt Not Kill… Except

Posted by Josh Samford On April - 16 - 2012

Thou Shalt Not Kill… Except (1985)
Director: Josh Becker
Writers: Josh Becker, Bruce Campbell, Sheldon Lettich, and Scott Spiegel
Starring: Brian Schulz, Robert Rickman, John Manfredi, Timothy Patrick Quill, and Sam Raimi



The Plot: Our story begins in the Vietnam war. After being battered several times while approaching a captured enemy territory, John Stryker finds himself as the highest ranking soldier in a platoon full of decent men. Stryker soon finds himself at odds with his new commander, who is relatively green when it comes to the battlefield. Not knowing the dangers of the area, this latest commanding officer sends Stryker and his team on a death march into enemy territory. Due to this erroneous mistake, Stryker is shot in the leg, but he is quickly carried off to safety by a fellow soldier. Stryker is then sent home, where he finds it difficult adjusting to normal life. He rekindles a relationship with his highschool sweetheart, and things do seem to be heading in a positive direction. Unfortunately, in this same rural area that Stryker now calls his home, a series of murderous home invasions have been committed. The perpetrators are part of a homicidal cult that are stationed within the woods, and it isn’t long before they target Stryker’s girlfriend. This proves to be a mistake by the cult, and that mistake is amplified when Stryker’s former squadmates come down to visit. With guns and ammo loaded up, Stryker is prepared to launch his own personal war against these lunatics.

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How about helping a South Korean movie get made?

Posted by Josh Samford On April - 12 - 2012
Varied Celluloid is no stranger to independent cinema. Either local or international, I would like to consider this a website friendly to all. So, after being contacted about this project, I felt the need to pass it along. Remember O Goddess is a joint South Korean/American production by young filmmaker Yoon Jung Lee. She is local to Philadelphia, but often works in the Seoul film world. She even worked as the script supervisor for Kim Ji-woon’s brilliant The Good, the Bad, and the Weird. This is her first feature film, however, and she is searching for funding at the moment. In another era, this would prove to be a very painful experience for any young filmmaker. However, thankfully, times are changing. Now, through crowd sourcing, filmmakers are able to take their product directly to the masses. These filmmakers have posted the first 25 minutes of their film, so that you the audience can watch for yourself before donating to the kickstarter account.

I could write an essay about how beautiful I think crowd sourcing can be, but I’ll simply leave it at that. If you have a few spare bones to toss out, why not take a look? You could maybe even end up with a thank you credit! Take a look at the following video for a better synopsis of both the movie, Remember O Goddess, as well as the situation that the filmmakers are in. And don’t forget: Head on over to the kickstarter page and check it out for yourself!

Penumbra coming from IFC Midnight

Posted by Josh Samford On April - 12 - 2012
More movie news! IFC has recently announced that they will be releasing the slow-burn horror title Penumbra on April 20th, through their IFC Midnight VOD service. The release will also extend to various other digital services such as SundanceNOW, iTunes, Amazon Streaming, XBOX Zune, and Playstation Unlimited.

The movie itself looks to have a lot of promise. Described in the following plot synopsis as a return to a Polanski-style of horror, the movie looks like it could work its way underneath your skin. It also has a great deal of praise following behind it, as well as some reputable awards. So, I’m fairly stoked for this new piece of South American horror! Give this plot synopsis a quick read and then follow it up by viewing the trailer. Looking very solid!

Combining stylistic elements of classic Polanski with a contemporary vision that rivals anyone working in horror today, the Bogliano brothers’ PENUMBRA is a superbly realized South American horror slow-burner. Marga is a highly motivated, arrogant and successful businesswoman on assignment in Buenos Aires — a city she hates and whose people she loathes. While in the Argentina capital on a day the whole population is waiting to view a rare solar eclipse she must also find a new tenant for her family’s decrepit apartment. Rapidly losing her patience waiting for one applicant she runs into the mysterious Jorge lurking outside the front door of the place who informs her that he has a client willing to pay four times what she is asking in rent. There’s one catch — the paperwork must be signed immediately. As greedy Marga waits to complete the transaction several of Jorge’s associates suspiciously appear at the apartment ready to strip the wallpaper. And what’s behind the décor signals a startling fate worse than death — or should that be life!


Bad Ass starring Danny Trejo

Posted by Josh Samford On April - 12 - 2012


I almost have nothing to add to this news update. This is the latest poster art for the upcoming Danny Trejo vehicle, Bad Ass. Danny Trejo has been a check-casher for a considerable length of time, but he has always been an actor that film fans could gather around. He has a no-nonsense attitude that permeates every role, and I think audiences simply enjoy his sincerity. Although I found Machete to be an awful mess, I would watch Danny Trejo in just about any movie. Chances are I will probably watch the Machete sequel as well. The plot for badass is described as thus, “Based on a True Story. Decorated Vietnam hero Frank Vega (Danny Trejo) returns home only to get shunned by society leaving him without a job or his high school sweetheart. When video circulates on the internet of him getting in a fight on a bus, he becomes a local hero.”

Doesn’t sound amazing, and the trailer doesn’t blow me away… but it is Trejo. So, why not?

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Varied Celluloid is a film website intent on delivering views on movies from all genres. Started in 2003, the website has been steadfast in its goal and features a database of over 500 lengthy reviews. If you would like to contact us about writing for the website or sending screeners, please visit the about page located here.

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