|No Holds Barred (1989)|
|Director:||Thomas J. Wright|
|Starring:||Hulk Hogan, Joan Severance, Kurt Fuller, and Tommy “Tiny” Lister.|
This is a movie that features a television program named Battle of the Tough Guys. I think this bears repeating. This is a movie that features a television program named BATTLE OF THE TOUGH GUYS. Such a title must easily rank among the laziest pieces of writing known to cinema. The rest of the movie is filled with characters who are equally as cardboard. The character of Brell, who is played by a very over-the-top Kurt Fuller, is such a stock villain that the movie never expects the viewer to contemplate why it is that he would immediately start committing felonies after Rip Thomas passes on working for his company. We all know that wrestling promoters and television executives are pretty shady, but No Holds Barred asks a lot of its viewership. In a movie filled with utterly ridiculous cinematic moments, it is hard to pick out the most illogical twists and turns, but it is safe to assume that most revolve around the character of Brell and his unwavering hatred for Rip Thomas. Oh, but then there’s that whole dookie scene.
One final tangent relating to No Holds Barred, the real-life situations surrounding the release of the movie were pretty fascinating. Tommy “Tiny” Lister, in order to promote the movie, would show up in the then-WWF and challenge Hulk Hogan. The logic behind some wrestling storylines can be a bit shallow at times, but when it came to No Holds Barred The Movie/The Match, things just entered into the realm of ridiculousness. The movie was eventually shown on pay-per-view, but paired with it was a tag-team match between Hulk Hogan with Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake and Zeus with “Macho Man” Randy Savage and Sensational Sherri. If you want a glance into the insanity of the time, just look at this promo and see if you can’t imagine how much cocaine was floating around in that locker room. Now, you may be asking yourself, how did a “fictional” character from a movie make it into the “real world” of professional wrestling? Well, you see, Zeus was, err, mad that he was given second-billing in the movie, and uhh, he was also mad that Hogan beat him – but explained that it was just a movie, but now, in the “real” world, Zeus would certainly conquer Hogan… honestly, it’s wrestling, when it’s this bad, it goes back to being pretty great.