So with all this on our table, you’d think that for once you’d have dirty Nazisploitation with a hint of class. Sadly, there’s very little room for the dirty Nazisploitation factor. The first half of the movie consists of Uhland doing the Gestapo’s dirty work, rounding up insane women to be a particular traitor’s love slave from a very fake-looking asylum. All fine and well, but the second half of the movie mostly consists of Uhland talking to the traitors, the traitors talking to each other and then sometimes screwing the women. All of which sounds like it might be fun, but it isn’t. The nudity and sexual antics just aren’t as well shot as the rest of the movie. There are some decent close-ups (a few of which actually show some labia), but its not unique or angled enough to be memorable. Part of the problem may be due to the fact that the movie is actually based on a novel by Bertha Uhland so maybe the film is just playing out page for page.
I’ve never seen a movie make sex and nudity so tedious before and that includes Orgy of the Dead. There’s a scene where two characters are having sex on the back of an old butler and another character is playing a repetitive melody on a squeaky violin to it for four minutes; instead of coming off as erotic, or interesting it only serves as obnoxious and poorly shot. The only good close-up of the event is of the butler’s face as he’s walking the nympho over his back and stroking her hair. There’s even an odd amount of scenes where a little girl is recruited to tug at the heart strings of a conspirator who is a father. I guess it’s supposed to be subtly disturbing having a little kid hanging around these people, but it really just amounts to another talking scene. I don’t even want to talk about the soundtrack to this movie. I get what they were going for: the whole score consists of violin stringing and plucking that try to accentuate a sense of insanity, but it just comes across as annoying. The movie even has its own theme song like the Gestapo’s Last Orgy, only not sung too well; it’s like listening to Edith Piaf singing Haikus in Dutch… it just doesn’t go well together.
There are moments where the movie does get a little sleazy and its in these brief moments that the movie starts to get entertaining. There’s a scene where a group of spying Nazi Officers take a break by having a foursome with a female officer and even better is a scene where two ladies entertain the conspirators with an erotic and goofy strip show in a theater. Hell, there’s even a ping-pong ball trick show! It’s pretty glorious, but there’s just not enough of it; there are too many moments where the Intelligentsia are sitting around and talking about their situation or sitting down at dinner and talking, none of which gets them anywhere in the plot.
Col. von Uhland does come across as a capable and clever bad-ass, but the movie doesn’t give him enough to do. After a surprisingly harsh but brief scene where he guns down three male Nazi officers and assaults the female officer (to make it look like someone else did it), he spends the rest of the movie either sitting or standing around talking or eavesdropping. He doesn’t even pick-up a gun again until the end of the movie! Fred Williams from a Bridge Too Far shows up as a perverted aristocrat housing a French exhibitionist and a lesbian, and he’s pretty good but they don’t give the man enough to do here.
I will admit some of the characters are fairly likable: some of the crazy women recruited for prostitution get excited at either bondage, clothes-tearing or just plain getting nude and they’re fairly entertaining. Unfortunately, the movie just doesn’t do enough with these characters. The nympho girl is about the only fun one; she did remind me of a blonde Allyson King from Don’t look in the Basement only more nude. There is some bondage thrown in near the end where the clothes’ tearing girl tortures the sadomasochist woman, but there’s nothing brutal or erotic about it.
There’s very little brutality in the movie. Most of its disturbing factors come from the fact that there’s a war going on, there are Nazis and the traitors to the SS are mostly perverts. The scene where Col. von Uhland assaults the female officer was only a sample of rawness and the remaining brutality comes at the film’s climax when the beautiful unarmed women are gunned down by sub-machine gun fire. I seem to remember an episode of Cowboy Bebop doing something similar in a restaurant scene and it was stupid, as it was annoying, so it’s really more annoying than it is brutal here.
Speaking of death, there aren’t any uncomfortable death scenes in this movie. One woman gets stuffed in a box before being thrown out a window and one character suddenly dies from a heart attack after screaming and farting into a microphone. That’s about as memorable as the death scenes are. Funny enough, after this happened, the nymphomaniac character got so upset at the man’s sudden death that she started masturbating to which I sympathized saying ‘You know what? That’s not a bad plan! Now to find something sleazier..!’