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Robo Vampire

Posted by JoshSamford On June - 11 - 2014

Robo Vampire (198)
Director: Joe Livingstone (alias)
Writers: William Palmer (alias)
Starring: Robin Mackay, Nian Watts, Harry Myles, and Joe Browne

The Plot: Somewhere in Hong Kong (presumably), there is a gang of drug peddlers who are at war with the law. There is one man in particular that seems to constantly get in the way of their nefarious goals, and that man is Tom. The mob are soon working with a witch doctor, of sorts, who devises a plan to create the ultimate vampire in order to defeat Tom. This ultimate vampire looks a lot like an ape… so yeah, the ape man’s former girlfriend comes back from the dead as a ghost in order to marry the ape-man-vampire which is supposed to soothe his spirit. This has no bearing on the plot, but it’s fun to mention. Tom does eventually fall in combat to the ape-man-vampire, but thanks to the miracles of modern medicine he comes back as a Robo Warrior, complete with a spray-painted outfit that is supposed to look like metal. The Robo Warrior, with his arsenal of firearms, begins blasting hopping vampires and random goons for the rest of the movie. Also, there’s some subplot from another movie cut into the action that I could not figure out how it was supposed to work with all of the Robo action.

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Special ID

Posted by JoshSamford On April - 24 - 2014

Special ID (2013)
Director: Clarence Fok
Writers: Kam-Yuen Szeto
Starring: Donnie Yen, Tian Jing, Andy On and Colin Chou.

The Plot: Donnie Yen plays Chan (aka Dragon), an undercover officer from the Hong Kong police department. He has been rooted into the world of Hong Kong organized crime for such a long period of time that he has now covered his body with tattoos and completely changed his way of life. When things get a bit too hot back in Hong Kong, Dragon is sent as a “Special Identity” to the mainland where he is to interact with his former student Sunny (Andy On). When he arrives, he is paired with mainland officer Fang Jing (played by Tian Jing) and this duo must find a way to bring down Sunny while also keeping Dragon safe, which may be a lot trickier than it sounds.

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Scorpion Thunderbolt

Posted by JoshSamford On December - 31 - 2013

Scorpion Thunderbolt (1985)
Director: Godfrey Ho
Writers: Godfrey Ho
Starring: Richard Harrison, Juliet Chan, Bernard Tsui, and Maura Fong

The Plot: Okay, let’s try and piece this one together. There are two stories that are unfolding within Scorpion Thunderbolt, and within this IFD product, Godfrey Ho and company barely try to tie them together at all. In the larger storyline made up from Taiwanese/Korean horror film known as Grudge of the Sleepwalking Woman (thanks to Kenny B. and Jesus PĂ©rez Molina for this info), we find a series of murders have been taking place and there appears to be no clear suspect. Enter inspector Jackie Ko and his partner Miss Lee. Although it seems highly implausible, all signs are pointing to a killer that is not human. Our police officers soon run into photographic journalist Helen who is just as curious about this case as they are, but Helen holds a rather dark secret behind her beauty. At the same time that all of this is happening, Richard (Richard Harrison) finds that he is at odds with a vampire witch (who has metal claws and plays the bongos throughout the entire movie) who desperately wants a ring that has been passed down within his family for generations. Richard fights some random people and gets to kiss on a naked chick’s boobs, all in a day’s work.

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Seasoning House, The

Posted by JoshSamford On December - 18 - 2013

The Seasoning House (2012)
Director: Paul Hyett
Writers: Paul Hyett, Conal Palmer, Helen Solomon, and Adrian Rigelsford
Starring: Rosie Day, Kevin Howarth, and Sean Pertwee

The Plot: The Seasoning House is a war story of sorts, focusing on the events that transpire when a young deaf girl named Angel, who is ripped from her own home in Eastern Europe and taken to a brothel as a prisoner of war. It turns out that she is one of the luckiest girls to come through this brothel, as she is made to clean rooms, look after the girls, and keep hidden. This slavery turns out to be far better than what the other kidnapped girls receive as captures. Normally, most girls are chained to their bed and shot up with narcotics until they are submissive enough to be continually raped by random military personnel. Things are turned upside down for Angel, however, when she runs into Vanya, a young woman who also happens to be fluent in sign language. Finally having someone to speak with, Angel finds herself learning to disobey her rulers, but these are not men to be trifled with.

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Varied Celluloid is a film website intent on delivering views on movies from all genres. Started in 2003, the website has been steadfast in its goal and features a database of over 500 lengthy reviews. If you would like to contact us about writing for the website or sending screeners, please visit the about page located here.