MST3K | Varied Celluloid

MST3K: Samson vs. The Vampire Women

Posted by Josh Samford On August - 2 - 2012

MST3K: Samson vs. The Vampire Women (1995)
Starring: Mike Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Kevin Murphy, Jim Mallon, and Frank Conniff



The Plot: In the not-too-distant future, Mike Nelson is a regular worker at the Gizmonic Institute until being abducted by his boss and shot into outer space. His boss, Dr. Forrester, then sends the very worst movies that he can find in order to document Mike’s reactions. Mike teams up with the two robots on board, Crow and Tom Servo, and they do their best to improve this bad situation by having a good time riffing on the movies. In this episode, Mike and the bots watch the El Santo-starring vehicle Samsons vs. The Vampire Women. In this title, Santo must do battle with a harem of evil vampire women who torture an aristocratic family. This harem wants to take the beautiful daughter of this family and make her one of them, but not if El Santo has anything to say about that!


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MST3K: Sword and the Dragon, The

Posted by Josh Samford On July - 25 - 2012

MST3K: The Sword and the Dragon (1994)
Starring: Mike Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, and Kevin Murphy.



The Plot: In the not-too-distant future, Mike Nelson is a regular worker at the Gizmonic Institute until being abducted by his boss and shot into outer space. His boss, Dr. Forrester, then sends the very worst movies that he can find in order to document his reactions. Mike teams up with the two robots on board, Crow and Tom Servo, and they do their best to improve this bad situation by having a good time and riffing on the movies. In this episode, Dr. Forrester forces Mike to watch The Sword and the Dragon. A fantasy film imported from Russia, The Sword and the Dragon follows Ilya Muromets who begins our story as being crippled. Sitting in his home, his wife is kidnapped by a group of Asiatic roughians and Muromets is left with no course of vengeance. However, when a magic potion and sword is given unto him, he gains tremendous strength and is no longer crippled. Now, with all of his faculties in order, Ilya begins a quest to bring his wife back home!


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MST3K: Star Force – Fugitive Alien II

Posted by Josh Samford On July - 18 - 2012

MST3K: Star Force – Fugitive Alien II (1991)
Starring: Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, and Kevin Murphy



The Plot: In the not-too-distant future, Joel Robinson (Joel Hodgeson) is abducted by his boss at Gizmonic institute and shot into outer space. His boss, Dr. Forrester, then sends Joel the very worst movies that he can find in order to document his reactions. Joel, who has built two robot friends named Crow and Tom Servo, does his best to improve this bad situation by having a good time and riffing on the movies with his robot pals. In this episode, Dr. Forrester forces Joel to watch the sequel to the awful Japanese science fiction title Fugitive Alien. This film, now titled Star Force: Fugitive Alien II, picks up right where the first movie left out. The ship is still floating through space and the ultimate goal is to make it to a distant planet where they are to sabotage a powerful weapon that can destroy planets. Along the way, the “tenperature” begins to rise as they get uncomfortably close to a black hole, and then dramatic tensions onboard the ship threaten everything that ties our crew together. Can they survive these impossible odds?


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MST3K: Fugitive Alien

Posted by Josh Samford On July - 17 - 2012

MST3K: Fugitive Alien (1991)
Starring: Joel Hodgson, J. Elvis Weinstein, and Kevin Murphy



The Plot: In the not-too-distant future, Joel Robinson (Joel Hodgeson) is abducted by his boss at Gizmonic institute and shot into outer space. His boss, Dr. Forrester, then sends Joel the very worst movies that he can find in order to document his reactions. Joel, who has built two robot friends named Crow and Tom Servo, does his best to improve this bad situation by having a good time and riffing on the movies with his robot pals. In this episode, Dr. Forrester forces Joel to watch yet another Japanese television program that has been edited for American audiences. Fugitive Alien tells the story of Ken, a “Starwolf” from the planet Valnastar. Apparently being a Starwolf revolves around warfare, and when Ken refuses to kill an innocent child he is shot off into outer space. While floating in space, Ken is picked up by the starship Bacchus 3 which originates from Earth. The crew don’t know what to make of Ken at first, but throughout their journeys in space they will have to learn to trust this alien.


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MST3K: Last of the Wild Horses

Posted by Josh Samford On April - 2 - 2012

MST3K: Last of the Wild Horses (1994)
Director: Kevin Murphy
Starring: Mike Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Kevin Murphy, Frank Conniff and Jim Mallon



The Plot: In the not-too-distant future, Mike Nelson (Michael J. Nelson) is abducted by his boss at Gizmonic institute and shot into outer space. This boss of his, Dr. Forrester, then sends Mike the very worst movies that he can find in order to document his reactions. Mike, who has two robot friends named Crow and Tom Servo, does his best to improve this bad situation by having a good time and riffing on the movies. Our film today, Last of the Wild Horses, revolves around a wandering drifter named Duke. Although the plot is fairly meandering and hard to keep up with, essentially Duke finds himself involved with the life of a wealthy rancher. This wealthy rancher has developed a rivalry with some folks in town, and a conspiracy is soon at work to deprive this wealthy rancher of his assets. The rancher has a lovely granddaughter who immediately falls for Duke, but when her grandfather is killed it seems that the local townspeople are dead-set on blaming Duke. This instigates a battle between factions, but will justice be upheld? And will the crew of the Satellite of Love manage to sit through this stinker with their dignity intact?

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Varied Celluloid is a film website intent on delivering views on movies from all genres. Started in 2003, the website has been steadfast in its goal and features a database of over 500 lengthy reviews. If you would like to contact us about writing for the website or sending screeners, please visit the about page located here.

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