|The Taint (2010)|
|Director:||Drew Bolduc & Dan G. Nelson|
|Starring:||Drew Bolduc, Ariel Canton and Cody Crenshaw|
|The Plot: Phil O’Ginny is a bleach-blonde-mullet-haired young man who awakens next to his girlfriend while out camping. He is coming off a rough patch with his previous girlfriend and is looking to have some fun pre-marital sex. His weekend plans are ruined however when a crazy redneck, dripping feces from his pajama bottoms, startles him by running out of the woods holding a sickle. He attempts to kill our mullet-haired hero, but O’Ginny runs away from this insane farmer who also happens to have his giant penis standing outside of his pants. As Phil travels the woods, he runs into a former forest ranger who explains how the water supply has turned all of the men in town into raging psychopaths whose penises have taken over their brains. Now all these psychos want to do is kill and hump! Can Phil and this young lady discover just what happened to the ‘tainted’ water supply and put a stop to this madness before its too late?|
We have seen digital FX creators become more and more involved in the creation of independent films in a stronger fashion than prosthetic FX artists ever dared to dream of in the past. This comes from the easy access that filmmakers now have with software that can reproduce CGI that rivals the large corporate Hollywood machine. District 9 and Monsters are two of the better known examples of self made CGI, made by the director, helping get a film made and a story told, and while the FX work in The Taint pales in comparison – so does the budget and the amount of people actually involved in creating the FX work here. Drew Bolduc and his friend collaborated and created an indie film, with no budget, that actually does a decent job in showing a somewhat believable apocalyptic scenario. Well, it’s hard to take any apocalyptic scenario serious when there are so many exposed penises on display throughout the movie, but there are some very interesting and hard to accomplish shots that Bolduc and crew were able to get for their movie through their use of CGI, and it looks surprisingly good.
This movie is bound to offend some of you, there’s no doubt about it. That is the entire purpose. The movie was made with the singular goal of making some laugh, and making some flee into a rage of anger. We start our film off with a real scene of vomit from our leading man Drew Bolduc, who proceeds to heave for several seconds. I didn’t even have to listen to the audio commentary to realize that this was indeed true vomit, as the disgusting amounts that pour out of his mouth tells us everything we need to know. The movie proceeds from there into just about every other form of offensive behavior a group of males could possibly get into. We watch as a young woman slices off a cute little squirrel’s head with a Indiana Jones style whip. We see dozens and dozens of penises (these are massive dildo’s that appropriately hang from every “infected” male’s zipper) explode via gunshots during one epic sequence near the end of the film. One of my personal favorite sequences features a group of 80’s style rockers who are living out in the woods, trying to avoid ‘the taint’, who sort of epitomize the most blatant homosexual trends of 80’s fashion. Indeed, they consistently make allusions to fisting and other acts involved in gay-sex but hide behind their macho attitudes. With nicknames like Balloon Knot, Suave Daddy, Chilli Dog, Pink Sock and Alligator Fuckhouse… you can just imagine the sort of movie that this is.
The movie does a good job in the splatstick department, but I will commend it for some witty writing as well. This, along with the competent special FX and AMAZING soundtrack, truly make it stand out as something different than your average “bad on purpose” indie project. As I am running out of time at this point, I will just take a quick moment to say that the soundtrack truly is something special. Similar to Cannibal Holocaust, Bolduc and company decided that the best route would be to include a soundtrack that doesn’t necessarily elicit a “disturbing” atmosphere, but instead went for something much more lighthearted. The soundtrack seems to be made up of 8-Bit musical cues, similar to what you would hear from older gaming consoles. I know of several bands that create music in this genre, and as a fan, I just adored the score here.
Despite bad line delivery, there are some truly funny moments throughout The Taint that stand on their own without any kind of prop or gore effect. There are small things, like the numerous times where we see Phill O’Ginny dramatically remove his sunglasses, in true CSI: Miami fashion, only to replace them with a different colored version of the same “Stunner Shades”. Bizarre but hilarious moments like this were what kept me tuned in, regardless of how wild the gory content may have been. There are numerous memorable lines within the movie as well. “Yield beast!”, yelled aloud during the previously mentioned scene involving the squirrel, certainly comes to mind. Ultimately, that’s just the beginning of the great lines. While watching the movie and taking notes, nearly all of my written notes were simply quotes pulled from the movie. “Who was that large c**ked man?”, “Must be f*gs! Total f***ing queers!” and “I HATE WOMEN!!” were definitely standouts, but this is a movie rife with contenders.